Dating Chinese girls is a subject that often causes confusion and
even sometimes argument among some people as to what constitutes actual
Chinese culture, and real-world Chinese dating etiquette in today's day
and age. This confusion is further caused by certain false assumptions
by westerners, and even by Chinese girls themselves making false
representation for their own benefit.
This is one of the big problems I faced for years as a westerner dating Chinese girls, the fact that many of the girls told me things that were supposedly part of Chinese culture, of course insinuating that I should follow this in order to be a good boyfriend, yet I found many of these Chinese customs were things that actually even Chinese guys didn't follow.
This creates a bit of a trap if you don't stop it in the beginning, as in Chinese culture, things do not get easier for a westerner if you follow Chinese culture, things actually get harder!
Reasonable Flexibility When Dating Chinese Girls
In fact, where mainland Chinese girls are concerned, for the most part they are not very flexibly minded at all. Most will expect their boyfriend to behave in a manner befitting a Chinese boyfriend, but if even a Chinese boyfriend would think such behavior is excessive and unreasonable; why is it that a westerner is expected to accept it?
One major difference in Chinese culture, that I and others who have lived in mainland China before have noted, is that mainland Chinese people focus rather exclusively on their own culture and the promotion of it thereof, with the idea that everyone else should accommodate their views and customs without an equal compromise.
Ask anyone who has dated or married a Chinese girl for confirmation of this fact.
This in truth is a cultural quirk from thousands of years past, where all the neighboring countries to China had to pay tribute to them, and so also follow their cultural precepts. Most mainland Chinese are not so familiar with many non-Chinese cultures as the education system simply teaches the students about Chinese culture and history, and almost exclusively ignores non-Chinese cultures in favor of its own.
It's no wonder therefore that there are numerous misunderstandings between a Chinese and non-Chinese couple.
Dating Chinese Girls Advice
Lastly, I just want you to know this, as the subject is often a question in many emails sent to me: If your Chinese girlfriend ever tells you it's Chinese culture that you should give all your salary to her each month, just know that this is what a Chinese husband might do, not a boyfriend.
Even in the case of a Chinese husband, it's not always one hundred percent of the case true, especially where he is well-off or even rich. Usually a Chinese guy who earns less than the equivalent of three hundred dollars a month will give all his salary to his wife. This is so she can budget for their life together and is also a security issue on her part.
If you are a non-Chinese with a decent salary you quite obviously do not need someone to budget for your life, and also as a non-Chinese, this situation is quite unacceptable with a Chinese girlfriend. In this case, you definitely need to firmly re-frame your Chinese girlfriends point of view.
Take my advice and be sure that both sides of the relationship compromise, otherwise I can assure you from experience it doesn't get easier, it actually gets harder for you, but better for them, and that's just not a mature or desired relationship, as I'm sure you'll agree.
This is one of the big problems I faced for years as a westerner dating Chinese girls, the fact that many of the girls told me things that were supposedly part of Chinese culture, of course insinuating that I should follow this in order to be a good boyfriend, yet I found many of these Chinese customs were things that actually even Chinese guys didn't follow.
This creates a bit of a trap if you don't stop it in the beginning, as in Chinese culture, things do not get easier for a westerner if you follow Chinese culture, things actually get harder!
In fact, where mainland Chinese girls are concerned, for the most part they are not very flexibly minded at all. Most will expect their boyfriend to behave in a manner befitting a Chinese boyfriend, but if even a Chinese boyfriend would think such behavior is excessive and unreasonable; why is it that a westerner is expected to accept it?
One major difference in Chinese culture, that I and others who have lived in mainland China before have noted, is that mainland Chinese people focus rather exclusively on their own culture and the promotion of it thereof, with the idea that everyone else should accommodate their views and customs without an equal compromise.
Ask anyone who has dated or married a Chinese girl for confirmation of this fact.
This in truth is a cultural quirk from thousands of years past, where all the neighboring countries to China had to pay tribute to them, and so also follow their cultural precepts. Most mainland Chinese are not so familiar with many non-Chinese cultures as the education system simply teaches the students about Chinese culture and history, and almost exclusively ignores non-Chinese cultures in favor of its own.
It's no wonder therefore that there are numerous misunderstandings between a Chinese and non-Chinese couple.
Dating Chinese Girls Advice
Lastly, I just want you to know this, as the subject is often a question in many emails sent to me: If your Chinese girlfriend ever tells you it's Chinese culture that you should give all your salary to her each month, just know that this is what a Chinese husband might do, not a boyfriend.
Even in the case of a Chinese husband, it's not always one hundred percent of the case true, especially where he is well-off or even rich. Usually a Chinese guy who earns less than the equivalent of three hundred dollars a month will give all his salary to his wife. This is so she can budget for their life together and is also a security issue on her part.
If you are a non-Chinese with a decent salary you quite obviously do not need someone to budget for your life, and also as a non-Chinese, this situation is quite unacceptable with a Chinese girlfriend. In this case, you definitely need to firmly re-frame your Chinese girlfriends point of view.
Take my advice and be sure that both sides of the relationship compromise, otherwise I can assure you from experience it doesn't get easier, it actually gets harder for you, but better for them, and that's just not a mature or desired relationship, as I'm sure you'll agree.
Sam Reeves has lived in China for over eight years and dated a
wide variety of Chinese women and also married one. To find out more
about Dating Chinese Girls and before dating or marrying a Chinese woman, go to http://ChineseDatingSecrets.com/ and check-out 7 relationship facts you should know first!
